Over the last few weeks, I’ve begun to notice longer stretches of time passing without actively thinking about my brother. When I realise that time has passed without him in my mind, there’s a sudden physical ache, as though my body is calling me back to the relationship we shared. I often find myself replaying the way we used to talk, the humour, the small familiar rhythms, almost as a way of steadying myself, re-centring, remembering.

There is still a part of me that expects him to walk through the door, to call, to laugh, to appear in all the familiar ways. And then the reality returns: he is not here in the way he once was.

I am learning that this too is part of grief.

Grief is not a constant, overwhelming state. It moves like the sea tide: receding, returning, quiet at times and sharp at others (Stroebe & Schut, 1999). It is not something we “get over” or neatly resolve. For many of us, grief becomes an ongoing connection with the person who has died; a continuing bond that evolves over time rather than ending (Klass, Silverman & Nickman, 1996).

This bond shows up in the ways I try to stay connected to him:
Remembering our good times.
Speaking to him in quiet moments.
Noticing the ways he shaped who I am and how I move in the world.

These practices remind me that love does not end, even when life changes in ways we never wished for.

It has only been a little over a month since he passed. I remind myself daily that this takes time  and that grief can be present even on the days I appear to be functioning “well” to others (Worden, 2009). Grief doesn’t always look like tears; sometimes it is simply the act of carrying on.

How I’m Supporting Myself Through This Time

I am trying to be deliberate and compassionate with myself, particularly when the emotional waves shift without warning. These are the strategies that are helping me stay grounded:

• Spending time with family and friends
Being present in the relationships I still have, instead of assuming they will always be there.

• Nourishing my body
Eating in a way that supports energy, steadiness, and emotional regulation.

• Moving my body daily
Jogging and resistance training have helped regulate my nervous system and bring me back into myself.

• Resting when I need to
Without apology, without trying to perform “strength.”

Self-Support Practices I’m Leaning On

• Continuing bonds practices (speaking to him, holding memory rituals)

• Daily movement to regulate stress and emotion

• Strengthening relationships that are alive and meaningful now

• Compassionate self-reflection and pacing myself gently

• Journalling to track emotional shifts and notice what I need day to day

Grief is reshaping me.

Where love has been, grief follows. And where grief is, love remains. 💙

References

Klass, D., Silverman, P. R., & Nickman, S. L. (1996). Continuing Bonds: New Understandings of Grief. Taylor & Francis.

Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement: Rationale and Description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197–224.

Worden, J. W. (2009). Grief Counselling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner (4th ed.). Routledge.